TAL Story 27B: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
by LadyWordsmith
Summary: Winry encourages Edward to keep moving forward. This is sometimes easier said than done.
1. Chapter 1

**May 6****th****, 1955**

Winry poked her head out of her downstairs workshop when she heard Edward pick up the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" Ed asked then stood there for several seconds, obviously listening, but he didn't look thrilled. Finally he shrugged. "I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. Maybe some other time," he said with a lot more casualness in his tone than was on his face. She had seen this scene play out dozens of times in the past couple of years.

Winry waited until Ed put down the phone. "Who was it?" she asked casually as she joined him, wiping machine oil off her hands with a rag. She actually had a pretty short list of options.

"Marcus Kane," Ed replied with another shrug as he turned to face her. "He wanted to know if I wanted to go out with some of the guys this evening and shoot some pool."

"So why did you turn him down?" Winry asked. Every time Ed did, he never seemed to have anything else going on. She had done her best to be patient, but this was getting ridiculous.

Now Ed looked uncomfortable and got predictably defensive. "I just don't feel like going all right?"

"No, it's not," Winry replied calmly but firmly. "These are your _friends,_ Ed. Why are you always avoiding them?"

"Because…" Ed shook his head and turned away irritably, "Because I'm afraid, all right?"

The _of what _died before it ever reached Winry's lips. She knew the answer. It wasn't the _who _that was the problem, but the where. "You're not going to do something stupid just because you went to a bar with some friends you know."

Ed shrugged, his back still to her. "I still feel like I'm just _coping_ some days, but I hate this feeling, Winry! I hate being afraid, but I'm terrified I'll lose control again and I can't risk that." He turned his head to look back over his shoulder. There was pain in his eyes. "I can't risk losing everything again."

"Do you really think so little of yourself?" Winry closed the distance, resting her hand on his left shoulder. "It's been two years and you haven't lapsed once." Given how bad things had gotten near the end of that the time they were apart, that fact was pretty impressive in her mind.

Ed's auto-mail hand came up to rest on hers. "I can't walk past a place without wondering, Winry," he replied in little more than a whisper. "The smell gets to me, and I'm reminded time and time again just how stupid I was." There was a quiet snort of non-amused laughter. "I even asked Irons about it. He said that some people _can_ overcome it and just go back to normal again, especially when it's mostly psychological, but he asked me if it was worth the chance of relapsing." Winry didn't have to ask what Ed thought of that given his previous statement. "Maybe it's stupid, but I'd feel like a real idiot drinking water."

Winry squeezed his shoulder then had an idea that might serve two purposes. "What about that trick of yours?" she suggested. "You know the one where you neutralized the alcohol in drinks with alchemy?"

"I completely forgot about that," Ed admitted sounding sheepish. "Well, sort of," he added a second later. Winry didn't ask him to elaborate. After all their talk the last couple of years she didn't need to push the topic. Ed could have used it anytime he wanted to, but for a long time he had _wanted_ to drink himself insensible and after, well he still refused to _do_ any alchemy; another stubborn insistence than Winry was tiring of, though she did her best not to push too hard.

"Then you could go out and have a drink and not worry about it right? It tastes pretty much the same?" she suggested hopefully.

"Yeah," Ed nodded.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You know I can't do that," Ed finally turned around, putting his hand down as he met her eyes. "But I guess I'm afraid to find out that it's not just th_e taste _I'm after."

Winry sighed. "Edward, I think you already know the answer to that question."

He smiled weakly. "You're right, as usual. I'm still scared though and I hate it. I want to prove that I'm past this, but I don't know how."

Winry reached up, pushing a strand of hair out of his face. "When you stop obsessing about it, you'll be past it."

Ed seemed to be searching for something in her face, a clue, an answer; she was never entirely sure what though he did it often. Then something changed. "Winry would you…like to come with me?"

Well that was unexpected. "Out? To the bar?"

"You know," Ed smirked, looking a little more confident, "I hear that some women go to bars. Sometimes guys even pick them up there. You _do_ know how to play pool don't you?"

Winry couldn't help chuckling. She and the girls played more than the guys probably realized when they had the chance. "Sure I do. You sure the guys won't mind?"

"I doubt it. Maybe we'll start a new trend," Ed chuckled, then his expression softened. "I think I'll be okay with you there."

"For support?" Winry asked.

"To kick my ass if I need it," Ed contradicted. "So you'll come? I'll call Marcus back and accept if you will."

"Of course I will." As if she was going to say no! Winry had been trying to get Ed to be more social again for over a year. Once they were back on solid ground with each other, she had tried to encourage him to do things outside of the family or the semi-private social occasions that happened within their circle of friends: weddings, birthday parties, or just dinner get-togethers. "You give Marcus a call and tell him we're coming," she chuckled, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "I'll wash up and get into something more appropriate." As comfortable as she was in old cover-alls, that was not what she liked to wear _out. _Especially not when she'd finally managed to get rid of all the weight that had annoyed her during the first couple of years after hitting menopause! She still had days that were worse than others – hot flashes usually, or irritability – but they were far fewer, and things were more balanced.

"You look good in that," Ed smiled, returning the kiss. "But if you insist," he added with a sly wink, then turned back around and picked up the phone.

Winry smiled, pleased at the compliment as she turned and headed upstairs. Those words meant more to her now more than ever.

"Hello?" she heard Ed say behind her into the phone. "Hey, Marcus, it's Ed. Look, about tonight's offer…."

* * *

Edward reminded himself for the fifteenth time as he walked through the doors that it was just a familiar old bar, not hostile territory. It was just an evening out with old buddies, all of which _already_ knew about his issues and weren't likely to razz him about it.

He was eternally grateful for Winry at his side. She looked good tonight too! In a short black skirt that came to just above her knees and a sleeveless v-necked top in dark blue. The fact that she still looked good enough to pull it off was something he appreciated even more, though for other reasons! He wondered if she had put on the outfit simply to help keep him distracted. If so, it was working.

Marcus had reserved the back pool room for them tonight. Still, Ed paused, startled as he walked in and realized there were about twice the number of people he was expecting… and the entire number of the extras could be counted in women!

"Winry!" Sciezka waved from where she sat with Falman.

Ed looked around the room, Rachel was there with Marcus, Elicia had come with Alphonse, and even Kain's wife, Marin, was in attendance. He also noticed that Matthias' widow, Karen, was there too. It was good to see her out. "What's going on?" he couldn't help asking.

"We thought you had a great idea," Al grinned at his brother. "Marcus called and told us all about it."

"It's not like we can pick up girls anymore," Marcus chuckled as he handed Ed a drink and winked. "Brilliant of you to point out we could bring our own!"

Ed took the stein and sniffed it; root beer. He chuckled and grinned back at Marcus as he saluted him with his beverage. "Damned straight," he drank deeply. "So where are Roy and Riza this evening?"

"They already had plans," Al said as he handed Ed a pool cue. "So did Breda and Nancy. So this is the crew tonight; your break."

Ed set his drink down on the table where Al and Elicia had been sitting. "If you're trying to embarrass me it won't work," he grinned. It had been quite some time since he'd played, but he was pretty sure he hadn't lost his edge.

"Hardly," Feury chuckled. "We've just been telling the girls that you're the one to show them how it's done."

Sciezka snorted. "They won't listen when we tell them we know how, Winry."

"Well we'll just have to show them then, won't we?" Winry chuckled, picking up an unclaimed glass of water and taking a sip. "I think that sounds like a challenge."

"What are the stakes?" Elicia asked, grinning mischievously.

"Drinks?" Falman suggested.

"Dinner?" said Al.

"Sex on demand for a week?"

Everyone turned and stared at Karen, who smirked wickedly as she sipped her drink.

"Says the only one who won't have to pay up," Rachel retorted, and Ed was relieved when Karen just shrugged.  
"Does that include choice of position?"

"Winry!" Ed turned and stared at his wife, who was taking a cue off the wall.

"What's the matter, Edward," she winked, "Are you afraid to lose?"

"Actually it sounds like a win-win to me," Falman chuckled. "I'll take those stakes if you will, Ed."

"You're on," Sciezka poked her husband's arm.

Ed took a moment to deliberately look his wife up and down from neck to knees. That really _was_ a hot outfit. Then he shrugged and flashed his cockiest smile. "All right, Winry. You're on, but I hope you're prepared to pay."

"I think I can handle it," Winry chuckled. "What about you Elicia?" she turned and looked at her friend.

Ed's grin broadened as he watched Elicia look at Al with an almost predatory gleam in her eye that was definitely meant to be joking. Elicia nodded. "I'm willing to make that bet."

Al swallowed, then laughed. "Deal."

"Wait, what about Karen?" Marina commented as everyone started to go for cues. "What does she get out of this?"

"The amusement of watching," Karen giggled. "And I'll be the impartial judge if it's needed."

The evening only got more interesting from there. Pitting everyone off against their spouses turned out to be a dangerous and cutthroat proposition. It was decided that everyone would play at least two games against their husband or wife, with a tie breaker as necessary. To add to the excitement, the games were split up by other players to draw things out a little.

Edward and Winry's first game turned out to be surprisingly close. Ed hated to admit it, but he was much more out of practice than he had thought. He won, but only by two shots.

"Worried, Brother?" Al grinned as Ed sat down across from him.

"Not yet," Ed drained the last of his root beer. He'd have to thank Marcus later for that one. When the serving girl came by, she took the glass and gave Ed an expectant look.

"He's having what I'm having," Al cut in before Ed could say anything.

"Sure thing," she chuckled, picking up Al's empty glass as well.

Ed gave his brother a wary look. "You don't have to you know."

Al snorted and shrugged. "Are you going to argue if I follow my brother's good example?" he teased.

"At least the latter half," Ed smiled back, relaxing a little more. This wasn't nearly as bad as he had expected. "Don't tell me everyone in here is though."

Al shook his head. "Not everybody, but good luck figuring out who."

Ed quirked an eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be a challenge?" It hadn't really occurred to him upon coming in than anyone else _wasn't_ drinking. Well, except Winry of course. Not that she had ever cared to drink much anyway, but she had made it very clear a long time ago that she didn't care about that, just him.

"If you want to call it that," Al replied quietly. "We just all agreed not to talk about it."

"Some party," Ed smirked as the serving girl set their refilled drinks back down.

"I don't think it needs any heavy drinking to make it wild though, do you?" Al grinned nodded in the direction of the pool table, where Falman and Sciezka were cheering on Feury and Marina as they squared off, though it was playful since Marina was the only one of them who had almost never played, and at each turn Feury got behind her and tried to _help. _

"No, it really doesn't," Ed agreed. Everyone looked like they were having a good time, even Karen. He felt bad that he hadn't kept up with her more, but he knew from Marcus that she was doing all right. It had been more than three years since Matthias' death. She focused on her children and her work, and Marcus and Rachel had been encouraging her to get out a little more. He knew they considered her as close as a sister.

Just to entertain himself, Ed did try and guess who was drinking what, but it proved to be as difficult as Al had suggested. Their friends were hardly a restrained crew off duty to begin with. Not usually this wild actually, but responsibly restrained as needed. He watched the rest of the first round of pool games as Feury beat Marina, then Marcus beat Rachel in a close game, Falman lost to Sciezka, and Alphonse beat Elicia.

If Ed had to place wagers on who was actually drinking something other than soda in the room, he would have guessed_ for sure_ only two people; Feury just because the man was normally much more conservative, even just among friends. He was flirting blatantly with his wife this evening, and even now would normally have been too polite to do so otherwise. The other was Karen; who seemed a little too determined to have fun.

"How's she doing?" Ed asked Marcus quietly between games at one point.

"Better than she was," Marcus admitted softly, so as not to be heard over the laughter around the pool table. "She had to hold it together, for the kids if nothing else. I think that's all that kept her going the first year. I was surprised she agreed to come out tonight, but I think she's finally starting to move past mourning Matthias."

"And you?" Ed asked knowingly, catching the brief sad look in his friend's eye. Matthias' death had hit a lot of people hard.

Marcus saluted Ed with his drink and a knowing smirk. "I've still got a lot to live for."

As Marcus rejoined his wife, Ed scratched him off the _maybe_ list, feeling honestly a little relieved. And if Marcus wasn't on the list, Rachel certainly wasn't. She was like Winry that way.

If Falman or Sciezka were drinking, he couldn't really be sure. He was relaxed, but not unusually so, and she was always a little scattered and intense. Really, they could be just as silly together stone cold sober as some of his friends were otherwise!

Eventually Ed just gave up. It didn't really matter, and it made him feel better. When the time came around for the second round he focused on the pool table. Winry really was good! He was in trouble if he didn't want to lose .Though as had been pointed out earlier, wasn't it sort of a win-win situation? Either way, Ed hated to lose just as a matter of principle.

Unfortunately his game didn't seem to agree. Winry beat him this time by two shots.

"Looks like you'll need a tie-breaker later," Elicia chuckled as Winry stood up, eyeing Ed with a smug grin.

"You're going down," Winry winked.

"I don't think so," Ed countered with a laugh. "When I win, you're going to owe me big."

"Do tell," Winry dared.

Feeling emboldened, Ed smirked back. "Well the first thing I'm going to do when I get you home is drag you upstairs and—"

"Keep it between the two of you, please," Al begged, though he laughed as he said it.

"It's a good thing there's several blocks between your houses," Falman quipped.

The second round of games narrowed things considerably. Feury beat Marina again, Marcus beat Rachel again, Falman won his game against Sciezka, and Alphonse and Elicia nearly came to blows – or kisses, Ed wasn't sure which – over the last ball. Al won by that last shot. So it was only Falman and Sciezka and Ed and Winry who would be playing third games. Which was good because it was starting to get late!

Ed and Winry's last game was – if possible – even more intense than the first two, though Ed was sure it was because he was so out of practice. He missed the days when he could clear the table without missing a shot!

"You're losing your touch," Al laughed.

"I guess I'll have to practice more," Ed retorted as he carefully lined up his next shot.

"You'd better believe it," a light, sultry breath carried the words into his ear just as Ed made the shot, making him jump.

The ball bounced and missed completely. "Darn it, Winry. That's not fair!"

"No touch no interference," Karen declared, grinning meanly.

Winry slipped around in front of Ed with a competitive little smile. "All's fair in love and pool."

"I didn't think love was a part of this competition," Ed snickered.

Winry leaned over, bumping him backwards and out of the way with her backside. "We can argue that later, somewhere private."

Okay, Ed had to admit he found it irresistibly hot when Winry got competitive. "That better be a promise."

"Oh it is." A moment later Winry sunk that shot, then moved on to sink another. They were tied again.

Several shots later, they were still tied and down to one ball left. Ed could have smacked himself when he missed his shot by less than a quarter of an inch, especially since it left Winry a perfect shot!

Which she made. "Looks like you're mine," Winry laughed as she handed the cue off to Sciezka.

Ed grabbed her close, his auto-mail arm around her waist. "Aren't I always?" This was, undoubtedly, the best he had felt in quite some time.

"Definitely." Winry kissed him warmly.

After Sciezka beat Falman, everyone finished their last drinks, laughed, smiled, and headed for home.

Winry drove, and Ed leaned back in the front seat, relaxing and just letting the good feeling settle over him. He hoped it would stay for a while. "Thank you," he smiled over at Winry.

"For beating you?" Winry asked, though she sounded playful when she said it.

"For tonight," Ed corrected easily. "You were right. I had a couple of moments, but it was a lot easier than I thought it would be, and a lot more fun with you there."

"Well thanks for inviting me," Winry smiled. "You certainly looked like you were having a good time. I haven't see you laugh like that in ages."

It was true; and Ed felt a little guilty for that. "Hopefully you'll see it more often."

Winry winked at him as they pulled into the driveway. "Hopefully…I'll see it upstairs in a few minutes."

Ed laughed as he unbuckled and opened the door. "Count on it."

**May 13****th****, 1955**

Edward had been proud several times in his life. He had been proud of his own accomplishments, of his brother's, of Winry. He had nearly burst with every new milestone his children had reached, and still did.

Sara was a State Alchemist, a Colonel, and now a wife and mother on top of it all with an adorable seven month old daughter, and doing a fantastic job of balancing all those aspects of life. Aldon was happy living in Resembool, and making a good living as an engineer. There were people going to him for designs from all over even out where he was in the middle of practically nowhere. After all, he could draw up blueprints anywhere. He had a loving wife and two great little boys.

Then there was Ethan, the surprise child they had never expected after a difficult time and a joy Ed would have hated to miss. Ethan was so much like Ed sometimes that he was proud and worried all at once. Yet somehow, despite the difficulties of the past few years, his youngest child had continued to work to learn three different areas; medicine, auto-mail engineering, and alchemy. He had succeeded well at all three and spent most of his senior year of high school taking classes at the University there in Central while still attending school.

Today was something special, Ed thought, as he sat through another high school graduation, and watched his son – as well as a bunch of other bright young minds – moving forward with their lives. It was still strange, sometimes, to sit and watch his children have experiences that Ed had never given a second thought to when he chose his own life path. There had been little time to be a child, or be a teenager in any traditional sense; no time for romantic distractions or the antics he and Pitt had indulged in as boys. That his kids had been able to choose their lives, and have something resembling normal childhoods, Ed would always be grateful for.

Ethan wasn't the only Elric in the ceremony. Ed was sure Alphonse was bursting with pride as Alyse spoke as the president _and_ valedictorian of the class. Ed had wondered how close that race had been, but he knew that Ethan's grades had slipped a bit at the end of his sophomore year – and he still felt that was his fault – and that likely made the difference. Ethan had confirmed that it had been by a very small margin, but he didn't really mind or care.

* * *

"So what do we do now?" Al asked Ed a little later at the graduation party for both of the youngest Elrics – in that generation anyway – being held over at Al's house that afternoon.

"Stand around trying not to feel old?" Ed snickered over cake. "For me, get ready to pay for the several years of college Ethan's got coming." It was true though, their youngest were grown. Alyse was already eighteen and Ethan would be by the end of the summer.

Al chuckled and shrugged. "I guess I should be glad Will's only got a year left and Alyse already has a couple of jobs lined up." Alyse was doing what she had set her mind to and going into event coordination. Ed had to agree that with all her experience in school Alyse would probably be very good at it.

"What will she be working on?" Ed asked curiously.

"One of her friend's weddings, and she'll be assisting in the Coordination office at Headquarters," Al replied. The military had enough state functions, diplomatic meetings, and various dinners and other events that happened during the year, so it was a surprisingly important office.

Ed whistled. "Not starting small." He noticed that Al seemed to find it as odd as he did to think of their babies as having friends old enough to be married – or that they were! Not that either Ethan or Alyse seemed inclined in that direction anytime soon. Ethan hadn't had a single date all through school and Alyse, while popular, hadn't had a long-term steady boyfriend.

"At least she'll be close to home," Al grinned. "Though I really appreciate you and Winry letting her have the apartment."

Ed shrugged. "It's nothing really, and it's almost a family tradition at this point isn't it?" He and Winry had lived there, Al – and then Elicia, Sara and Franz. It made sense that Alyse should have it now that Sara and Franz had finally made the move into Gracia's old place. "And I know she'll take good care of it." Alyse was responsible and quiet, who better? "Have you gotten used to having Gracia living with you guys?"

Al smiled. "Oh sure. Gracia's easy to live with and we spent so much time between the two houses anyway. With Will away all the time and Alyse moving out, it's going to be too quiet otherwise. I mean, yeah it's taking a little adjustment," he shrugged, "But what doesn't?"

"Adjustment in lifestyle or uniform?" Ed couldn't help smirking and making the jibe when given a perfect opening.

Al snorted and rolled his eyes. "The former. Since you so_ kindly _dumped your job on me the latter hasn't been an issue." There was amusement in his tone though.

"Glad to hear it," Ed replied. Al was definitely the right man to be running the alchemy program, and Ed was happy to let him handle the detail work. Being able to focus on just teaching was something Ed definitely enjoyed most days. He kept informed on what was going on, but was glad that he was no longer involved in the entire Aerugo situation. Open hostilities were well over, and the guerrillas had been dealt with at the point where the remains of the Aerugean army had been employed against insurgents in the name of peace. "Don't forget you promised me a little one-on-one time outside of your busy schedule next weekend," he grinned. Sparring with his own brother was far too rare an occurrence these days and about all Ed could get in for real combat. Oh he taught some of the classes still, but mostly as an instructor on the sides and demonstrations. What he wouldn't have given for the ability to go full out again.

"Oh I won't forget," Al smiled back. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Will you two get over here," Winry butted into the conversation with a laugh. "We want to get a few family photos before Alyse and Ethan run off to join the _rest_ of the celebrations!" Naturally there would be parties going on all over the place, and all weekend, and Ed was sure the only reason Ethan was going was because Alyse would _insist _that her cousin come along.

"All right, all right," Ed laughed, stuffing the last bite of cake in his mouth and leaving the empty plate on the table. "Come on, Al." He took Winry's arm and, walking between his brother and his wife, he rejoined the rest of the party.

**May 20****th****, 1955**

Morning walks with Winry were something Ed had come to cherish. Even as they had moved back into a busier lifestyle he had done his best to find ways to stay better connected with the woman he loved and needed. The walks they had started taking he made sure to always be available for. Saturday mornings in Central varied from peaceful to energetically busy depending on the time of year. Now, in the late spring, people were out and about from a fairly early hour until late in the evenings, taking advantage of the beautiful weather and lengthening daylight hours.

This morning was no different. The park about a mile from their house was one of their favorite places to walk, filled with trees and it held a relatively large pond – more of a small lake – and had a nice walking trail that circled it. A lot of the bushes were in full bloom, the trees now thick with leaves, and waterfowl guarded nests of eggs or new hatchlings along the water's edge.

People were out in abundance this morning, walking or on bikes, running or taking their time. Some were out alone, others in groups. There were lots of families with kids coming and going, either heading for the playground or home in time for moms and dads to make lunch.

Ed and Winry fell into the _walking and taking their time_ category today. They strolled along with his arm around her shoulders, enjoying the scenery, watching people, and chatting about whatever came to mind.

"…And that's when Miriam finally got up the nerve to ask me why there was a purple splotch in the middle of my shirt," Ed finished telling a rather amusing story about watching Trisha at work one afternoon. At times when he was just going over class material he would often take his granddaughter off her mother's hands – or Sara's staff's hands as the case might be! – and bring her up to his office for a couple of hours. Now that she was starting to eat baby food with a spoon, it was much easier to do now. Soon she would stay with Gracia full time during the day.

Winry chuckled. "You'd think they'd be used to it by now. I wish you could have taken _our_ kids to work with you more often when they were little."

"I'm beginning to wish I had too," Ed admitted, even though he knew that back then his schedule would never have allowed it. He had been always in and out, on the go, and far too busy to spend time sitting at his desk letting un-graded tests or lecture notes go untouched while he attempted to get mashed plums into a child's mouth.

"Well at least you have time now," Winry smiled, leaning her head into his shoulder as they came around a bend in the path. There was a bench there that they often enjoying sitting on under the trees. It had a scenic view of the lake, framed by bushes with large white flowers that gave off a delightfully delicate scent.

"And I'm glad for it," Ed gave her a squeeze and steered them towards the bench. There was no hurry. He wasn't meeting Alphonse for another couple of hours, and any time he could spend alone with Winry was well spent!

"Brian?" A woman's frantic voice broke the silence. "Brian! Where are—Brian!" Frantic became panicked.

Ed and Winry both froze. Winry looked up at him as Ed stepped away on instinct. "I'll be right back," he promised and hurried around the next bend in the path.

"As if I'm staying behind," Winry argued, and he could hear her behind him.

Ed didn't argue. As soon as he came around the corner the problem was evident. A woman stood on the path with an infant in her arms, staring in horror out at the lake. In a moment, Ed took in the whole scene; panicked mother, crying baby, and out in the water about fifteen yards distant a little boy who had somehow made it out into the lake before discovering he couldn't swim back. He was splashing frantically, screaming, and definitely panicked! As Ed watched the kid bobbed under, and each bob it took longer for the boy to come back up.

Only an idiot would have questioned what had to be done. No one else was nearby, or moving. In an instant, Ed's feet had carried him to the edge of the water and he dove in, swimming out towards the boy as fast as he could, grateful for having bothered to learn _how_ over the years, even if it had been a while, and even more grateful for Winry's amazing skills as an engineer. At this point, he really did have to remind himself some days that two of his limbs were artificial.

Ed kept his eyes on the boy. It wasn't that far out into the water. Or at least, it hadn't seemed like it. The boy – Brian? – had apparently over extended himself getting out here though. Ed was feeling it, breathing deeply with every stroke by the time he neared the boy. As he did, Brian flailed upwards again then went under once more without re-emerging immediately. The woman on the lake shore was still screaming. Ed took a deep breath and went under after the boy.

The water was murky, and it took Ed several precious seconds to locate Brian and get a hold of him. Ed knew how, but as he went to drag the boy upward, something stopped them. Damn it! The boy was caught in something. Ed tugged again harder, but nothing happened.

Turning, Ed swam downward to the bottom of the lake – which was no more than about eight feet deep this far out, and found the source of the problem almost immediately; the boy was tangled in what appeared to be an old bit of rope fishing net. What it was doing in a public park lake Ed didn't know – though he would definitely be having words with the parks department about this. He did his best to break it, but the netting was wrapped firmly around a couple of large rocks!  
Ed felt his lungs beginning to scream for air, and he knew the boy couldn't have much more time; probably less. Still holding the panicking, struggling child, Ed reached down with his auto-mail hand and shoved, grasping as hard as he could, and watching as one of the smaller rocks cracked and split apart. The net budged. Ed shoved again, and another one of the rocks moved. He tried pulling the boy upward and got closer, but not enough.

_Damn it!_ Ed needed more leverage, but even a kick placed underwater didn't have the momentum he really needed. There was nothing for it. He let go of the boy, slammed his hands together and blasted the rocks to high heaven with a transmutation that turned them to pebbles in seconds! The concussive force shoved him and the boy upwards, and he grabbed on tight to the screaming child as they breached the surface.

Ed gasped air in, choking on the water he got with it. The boy in his arms was still trying to struggle, but he didn't seem to have much in him. Ed wrapped his arm around him and headed for shore. He _had_ to stop rescuing drowning kids, he thought to himself as he pulled them through the water. He could feel exhaustion creeping up on him far too quickly, and found himself gasping for air well before he reached the shore. He began to see little dancing lights before his vision edged in black.

The shore was only a few yards away now. His heart pounded more erratically in his chest. _Shit._ Doc Gray was not going to be happy with him for this one. He'd be fine, he just needed a rest… he would rest on shore. The boy had stopped struggling. That wasn't good.

Ed slammed into the edge of the lake – not shore here really but a drop off of a couple of feet, and scrambled up it, slipping repeatedly. Someone took the boy, and he was vaguely aware of a crowd gathering as he collapsed on his knees in the grass, vomiting up the water he had swallowed. The world was still swimming in his vision and his limbs felt odd and heavy. They wouldn't hold him and he pitched forward.

Lying down seemed like a very good idea at that point. So did closing his eyes. Rest would help. He'd feel better when he wasn't so tired, or in nearly as much pain. The world seemed to crawl around him, thick and distant. There were a lot of voices but he couldn't make them out.

"Edward?" Winry's voice came through, afraid at first, than more frantic as it cut through the general murmuring. It sounded oddly far away despite the hands he could feel on him. "Edward!"

Then nothing…


	2. Chapter 2

**May 21****st****, 1955**

The world returned the way it usually did, slow and yet immediate all at the same time. It wasn't like coming out of sleep, but just returning to the world as if he had left it. Edward had done that a few times; he knew what it was like.

It didn't take him long to figure out where he was either. Even without opening his eyes he recognized the familiar feel of crisp sheets and the scents of sterilized metal and floors. He was in a hospital.

But why was he in the hospital? He ached all over, inside and out. Obviously something had happened. It always did, and if he waited patiently for a few moments he knew it would come to him.

In the mean time, he took stock of the situation; Aches and pains, and an odd sensation in his middle that wasn't empty stomach. His limbs felt heavy, and thoughts of moving them produced twitches that told him they still worked, but it seemed like far too much effort.

His stomach growled, he was thirsty, and he felt warm all over. Was he sick? Possibly, but that wasn't why he felt an odd sense of anxiety. He wouldn't mind some water either…

_Water_. That triggered it. The memories came out in a rush and Ed's eyes popped open as he remembered nothing past hitting the shore line. _What am I missing?_

Plain white ceiling stared back at him, but apparently his sudden intake of breath had caught someone's attention because there was a definite shifting sound next to the bed on his left side. "Brother?"

"Alphonse?" The word came out softly as Ed turned his head to get a better view.

Al looked like he hadn't slept much recently, or at least not well, and his clothes were rumpled. There was an anxious eagerness about him as he saw Ed was awake and smiled, some of the tension leaving his body. "Thank goodness. How do you feel?"

"Like a half-drowned rat," Ed retorted, still confused. Even talking took effort. His lungs ached, but given the workout he'd given them and the water he had swallowed, Ed wasn't all that surprised. "What happened, Al? The boy? Where's Winry!" He tried to sit up, but barely made it an inch before he fell back on the bed.

"Relax, Ed," Al put one hand gently on his left shoulder. "The boy's fine. He swallowed a lot of water, but he'll be okay."

Ed tried to get up again, but his body betrayed him, and Al's hand had him firmly pinned. "And Winry?"

"She's right here," Al spoke more softly, though he looked anxious at Ed's struggles. He pointed across the bed.

With a sigh, Ed lay back and relaxed. He really didn't have the energy to argue. He felt awful. He turned his head and looked at the other side of the bed. In one of the few stuffed chairs the hospital had, Winry was curled up, though she was blinking tiredly as if he had woken her up with his startled pronouncements. "Edward!" She came awake all at once when she saw him watching her. Almost jumping out of the chair she was at his bedside in a heartbeat. "Oh, thank goodness!" She kissed him, and took his right hand in hers over his body, grasping it tightly.

"People keep saying that," Ed frowned. There were dried tear marks on his wife's face, and she looked like she might start again at any moment. Like Al, she didn't look as if she had slept much or well. He had probably interrupted what little she had. "What's going on, guys?"

He didn't like the way Winry and Al shared worried glances over him. Winry looked like she was definitely going to cry. It was Al who spoke. "You almost died yesterday," he replied simply.

Ed's first reaction was to yell, but instead he closed his eyes, letting the words sink in as he tried to come to terms with what they meant. He hadn't even been close to drowning… and that explained why he'd blacked out, the ache in his chest… the too familiar ache that he had feared for so long. "It happened again."

Winry's hand tightened on his even more. "You saved that little boy, Ed," she said softly, and he wasn't sure who she was really reassuring, him or her. "He would have died if you hadn't gone in after him. It was just…more than you could handle."

"Yeah." _Damn it!_ It shouldn't have been so difficult. If he had thought to do something else sooner, or if he had been stronger… well, what ifs wouldn't do him any good now. "What's the damage?"

"We're waiting to find that out," Al replied. "Doctor Gray went ahead and did the tests and scans while you were still out."

Ed opened his eyes again. He could see both of their faces now without having to do more than turn his head a little. "You said yesterday. How long was I out?"

"Twenty hours," Winry replied. "Damn it, you had me worried!"

"Sorry for being so…inconsiderate," Ed smirked weakly. What he wanted to do was curl up and cry, but he couldn't do that in front of Winry. He hadn't seen her this upset in quite a while. He had obviously missed a rather traumatic span of time. "What exactly happened? I don't remember anything past crawling out of the lake, and that's kind of fuzzy."

Winry worried her lip with her teeth. "You collapsed. Someone else ran for a phone and called for an ambulance almost as soon as you jumped in the water… for the boy. No one thought_ you'd_ need it."

_I know I didn't._ Ed hadn't even thought about it at the time. The kid needed help. "I doubt it was there when I hit the shore," he commented dryly.

Winry shook her head. "No, but the way it happened, I guessed and I pulled this out of your pocket." She pulled out the little bottle Doctor Gray had handed Ed two years ago; one dose, enough to possibly stop a heart attack. The bottle was empty. "Getting it down your throat was a trick."

Once more Ed had cheated death. "I need to stop making a habit out of this," he sighed softly. "Thanks, Winry." She had saved his life. He squeezed her hand back with what energy he could muster.

"Yes, you should," Doctor Gray's familiar voice commented wryly as she entered the room and came into his field of vision. She looked tired. Had _anyone _slept? "Not that I can blame you for being a hero," she added then. A small smile crept to the corner of her mouth. "That five year old is getting a very stern lecture from his mother about going off and jumping in lakes without permission."

"I'm surprised I haven't gotten the same lecture," Ed joked. It was easier than breaking down. "Just give me the bad news and let's get this over with okay?"

Gray nodded and handed over the results of the latest echo cardiogram.

Ed had seen plenty of these stupid things in the last couple of years. Fuzzy as they were, he knew what he was looking at and he grimaced at the damage. "Damn."

"You may be the luckiest man I've ever met," Gray commented, "Or at least the most stubborn to still be alive after all this."

Ed wasn't sure how lucky he felt, but he knew it was true. "Do I even have to ask what this means?" He knew she would give him the lecture anyway, but he knew what was coming, and she didn't disappoint.

"You'll need to take it easy for a while," Gray nodded. "Work back up the way you did before. No combat classes; light exercise, and we'll see how it goes from there. I'd like to keep you here for a couple more days, just for observation and to make sure you actually get some rest, but you can go back to work after that when you feel up to it as long as you stick to classroom instruction… assuming your superiors approve." She didn't glance in Al's direction, but Ed knew who she was referring to. It was up to Al and Breda.

"Thanks, Doc," Ed replied softly. What else could he say? This wasn't her fault and he wouldn't have let the kid drown even to save himself. At least she wasn't going to advise that he should give up work entirely.

Her expression softened a little then. "Get some rest, Edward. We can discuss any further details later."

Ed simply nodded his consent. He noticed that Gray didn't take the images when she left. For several long seconds, the room was silent. He almost didn't want to let go when Winry took the photographs from his hands and looked them over. Her eyes flooded, and a silent tear ran down her cheek as she looked at them. Then she seemed to shake herself. "It could be worse," she commented quietly.

"Yeah," Al chimed in, obviously trying to sound positive. He always did that. "You're still here to annoy us," he offered a smirk.

Ed smiled back half-heartedly, but he couldn't maintain it. His heart wasn't in it. "Right, Al. You going to let me back at HQ?"

"Of course," Al snorted, as if insulted by the question. The emotion in his eyes made it clear he felt like crying as much as Winry did, though he didn't shed a tear. "But the way she said; classroom only. You're the only brother I've got." He shifted then and stood up. "I should let everyone know you're all right. How do you feel about visitors?"

Ed hadn't thought about it yet, but everyone was probably worried. The whole family surely knew by now, and who knew how many other people. "Not right now," he replied. He was still trying to absorb everything that had happened. "Who knows?" he asked.

"All of Central," Al admitted with a dry chuckle. "You were the front page story this morning." He picked up a copy of the Central Times and held it up to Ed could see the headline: _Hero at War and at Home: Fullmetal Alchemist saves Drowning Boy_.

"War hero?" Ed snorted. The media shredded him when he was having problems, and lauded him when he did something they approved of. Whatever suited them... bunch of hypocrites.

"Leave it be, Ed," Winry squeezed his hand again. "The rest of the world doesn't matter right? But a lot of people are worried about you."

"I'll be back soon," Al promised, before slipping out of the room.

When he was gone, Ed turned to Winry. "I'm sorry," he apologized softly. "I made you a promise, and it looks like I'm lousy at keeping them."

Winry looked confused for a moment then shook her head. "Do you really think I would be mad at you for saving that boy? No one else was close enough, and he told his mother he was caught in a net and you saved him. Ed… you used alchemy didn't you?"

She had seen the explosion of water, she had obviously guessed. Ed let his eyes close. The lids felt heavy. "For all the good it did. We both almost drowned. I made myself one of the victims."

"But you both survived," Winry startled him by shifting from the chair to the bed itself, wrapping her arms gently around him. Her tone was still that sweet, positive, sensibility she always had when he needed it most. "You'll be all right. You heard Doctor Gray, a little rest and rehabilitation is all you need."

Ed leaned in, resting his head against her chest, his arm going around her waist; her warmth the only comfort he could find in the room. "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Winry," he whispered. He wasn't going to break down, really…he wasn't. He ignored the damp feeling in his eyes.

"Hush now," Winry gathered him closer, and he could feel her breath as it stirred the hair on his head. "Rest and we'll take it one day at a time."

Ed wanted to argue, but exhaustion weighed on him, and he let himself slip back into oblivion.

* * *

Winry cradled Edward while he slept, still shaken from the horror that had struck her yesterday morning when Ed had collapsed on the shore and she had realized what was going on. Even as she wanted to cry in anguish, her mind had gone immediately into emergency mode. She hadn't panicked, but remembered immediately the dose of medicine Gray had provided for just that emergency. It had been a trick getting Ed to _swallow_ it, but he had, and she had held him until the ambulance arrived, and during the ride to the hospital. She had gotten used to seeing injured and wounded, but to watch Ed – without a scratch on him – his body struggling just to function, had been more than she could take. She could only imagine how terrified Ed must have been the first time, all alone in the house. Several times she was sure he had stopped breathing entirely, or his heart had stopped, and then she would feel it; he would gasp for breath, or shudder.

At the hospital they had made her _wait_ while the Doctor and her assistants did what they could for Ed. She was just grateful they had managed to get him stabilized. When they finally let her in the room with him, it had been all she could do for hours not to completely lose hope. She had waited for him to wake up, refusing to leave his side in case something happened and she wasn't there. Not even when Alphonse joined them after Winry made a brief call home and told Ethan what was going on.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but exhaustion had claimed her. Now, Ed was unconscious again, but she knew he was all right. Or at least, he would be, given time. She had lied though, just a little. She _was_ mad, but not because Ed had nearly killed himself rescuing the boy from drowning. She was mad at how unfair it all was, and frustrated with how these things always seemed to happen to _Edward!_

She didn't want him to stop being who he was, but Winry couldn't stand to lose him either. Not like this, and she knew as well as Ed probably did that, given another situation where Ed was the only one who actually _could_ help, he would if he had to. And when that time came….

**May 24****th****, 1955**

Edward spent another couple of days in the hospital resting. He refused visitors other than Winry and Alphonse. He just wasn't ready to face the world yet, not when he still felt frustratingly weak and tired. Still, after two days he was allowed to go home, and he was relieved to get back to the sanctuary of the house, even if what he did was go straight up to bed at Winry's insistence. Ed would have argued, but just getting out to the car and then into the house had left him tired and he knew that he would have to be patient if he wanted to get back to the rest of his life, whatever he was allowed to do with it.

He tried to think positively for Winry's sake, but it was hard, and he had no way to vent his frustrations. That really irked. He couldn't work out. He couldn't get drunk, or pig out on junk food – not that the last held much appeal at the moment, his appetite seemed to have vanished – and he didn't even have the energy to lose his temper. He was almost afraid to do that given how rarely he could relax and be distracted enough _not_ to notice the rhythms of his own heartbeat. If he really lost it he wasn't sure he could handle it right now. That, more than anything else, terrified him.

So Ed slept a lot, or at least tried to. He got up and took a shower at one point, and he ate whatever Winry brought him, though he could hardly remember after what it had been. He tried reading, but found concentrating difficult. Still, it passed the time between dozing off again.

It was the afternoon the day after he got home that he finally managed to get past the first couple of pages. He was curled up back in bed after going downstairs long enough to eat lunch and stretch his legs; lying with his back against the pillows that stacked up on the headboard.

"Hey, Dad."

Ed looked up and saw Ethan standing in the doorway. "Hey. What's up?" It was hard not to say _kid._ Ethan wasn't eighteen just yet, but he sure didn't look like a boy anymore, and he now stood almost an inch taller than Edward, though he seemed to be about done growing.

"Can we talk?" Ethan asked, looking a little uneasy.

"Well sure." Ed had no idea what the problem was, but Ethan had seemed to have something on his mind the last couple of days. "What do you want to talk about?"

Ethan came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I was thinking… maybe I should stay in Central in the fall and keep taking classes here… or maybe take a break for a while and just work."

"What for?" Almost as soon as the words left his mouth though, Ed understood. "In case something happens to me?"

Ethan nodded, though now he looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah. I mean, you could still use me around the house right now and I don't want to be so far away if… hell, I can't even say it and I work in a hospital."

Ed put down the book and offered his son a small smile as he shook his head. "You should go. What else are you going to learn around here anyway? You know almost everything your mother could possibly teach you, and more than you'll ever need about auto-mail, old Stevenson said that East City had the best University for medical school practically on the continent and me…" he sighed and shrugged. "I've been a pretty lousy teacher the last couple of years." He hadn't cracked an alchemy book or drawn a circle in two years. Until a couple of days ago he hadn't performed a single transmutation. If what had happened was the result, he wasn't in a hurry to do it again any time soon either. Ed wasn't sure he had the energy in him to handle it.

"Can we afford it?" Ethan asked another question instead of responding. "I mean, with all the medical bills and such?"

At that, Ed had to smirk. "This won't even _touch_ the fund I've got stashed away for your school, Ethan. I've told you not to worry about that. The entire thing is covered."

Ethan looked exasperated. "Yeah, but how? I mean, I know we aren't poor but that's _years_ of college to pay for, no matter how fast I manage to get through it." He had already finished most of the first year's worth of classes or tested out of them. All the credits would transfer to the University in East City too.

"Can you keep a secret?" Ed asked conspiratorially. Okay, so it wasn't entirely top secret anymore.

Ethan rolled his eyes. "What, did you win it in some illegal gambling ring?"

"More like legal gambling in a casino against a man selling illegal alchemical artifacts," Ed smirked.

Ethan's eyes widened. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not." Ed shook his head. "You remember years back when your Mom and I went on a mission for the military but never said what?"

"Vaguely," Ethan replied. "I was what, seven?"

Ed nodded. "Well, the truth is, there was a fake stone that turned up in the hands of this guy down in Aerugo who dealt in alchemical artifacts and rare ingredients – legal and otherwise. Your Mom and I went down undercover to get a hold of it. Long story short, there were a couple of very high stakes games of cards and we pulled the acting jobs of our lives. I got to pocket the winnings from that trip, stuck them in the bank, and having touched them since."

"Do I get to know how much is in that account?" Ethan's eyes lit up momentarily.

"Not a chance," Ed barked a laugh, "But it's more than enough to cover the rest of your schooling plus some by now. So don't you worry about your mother and I. I'm still here, and that's not going to change anytime soon if I have anything to say about it."

Ethan looked like he wanted to object, but logic wouldn't let him. He had already been accepted to the University at East City, or ECU as the kids referred to it these days. The one in Central was commonly called simply UC. "All right," he sighed. "I just don't want to go away if I'm needed here."

"I'm telling you to _go,_" Ed replied firmly. Then he smirked. "This is a good opportunity and you shouldn't miss out on it. Besides, there are plenty of people here who can play nursemaid and nag me. It'll be nice to have one fewer of you."

"Well when you put it that way," Ethan chuckled, "It sounds like you'll be glad to get rid of me."

"Only temporarily," Ed assured him. Really, he was going to miss his son like crazy. He still felt guilty about how unnecessarily rough he had made Ethan's last couple of years, despite the fact his son insisted that he wasn't mad at Ed anymore about what had happened. "When you get done with all that education I expect to see some results of that research of yours." He knew Ethan would succeed. There was no doubt in Ed's mind that his son was going to achieve something special. He hadn't doubted it from the first time his son had told him why he wanted to study everything he did at the age of eight. Ten years was a long time and Ethan had come a long way.

Ethan smiled back at him. "It'll take that as an order."

"You'd better," Ed retorted.

"Yes, Teacher."


End file.
